Name’s Ronnie. Ronnie Rilke. Friends call me Apollo. Long story.

Other day I’z walkin’ round, nothin’ special on my mind. Juz walkin’, ya know? Doin’ a little thinkin’. Juz gettin’ away. Takin’ my time ’bout it, too. Little strooooll in the sun. Like ta do that when I can. Stretch my legs. Get away. Get my mind offa things, ya know?

And then right there where I’z least expectin’, I come across this huge potato, man. I’m thinkin’, DAMN! I mean we’re talkin’ freakin’ huge here! Huger than one a them suitcases with roller thingies on ’em you see people draggin’ through airports and such, all packed headin’ somewhere in a hurry. … Huge. Huger than the whole freakin’ state of Idaho! Haha!

Na, I’m just shittin’ ya, man. I never been to Idaho. But, still. I never seen no potato like that. Nope.

I’m thinkin’, where this potato come from, anyway? Fall outta truck? Don’t make no sense, big vegetables fallin’ outta the sky. Airplanes, maybe. Suitcases. People ‘n shit like that. Could happ’n. I’m thinkin’ shit like that might could maybe happ’n. ‘Cause seein’ that big-ass spud, I don’t know, it got me ta thinkin’, ya know? I mean, I’z thinkin’ before. A little, sure, ya know. Walkin’ around, sorta thinkin’. But now I got this big potato on my mind, just right there kinda blockin’ my thoughts. Got me jammed up. Damnedest thing.

I got this friend — well, not a friend. I know this person. Likes to paint. Folks say she’s good, too. Real smart. Lotsa talent. Maybe. Ain’t my line a work, ya know? But I’z tellin’ her ’bout this damn big potato, how it snuck up on me when I’z least expectin’ ‘n all, an’ ya know what she did? She smiled. Damnedest thing. Big smile. I’z thinkin’ maybe she’s laughin’ at me. “What’s so funny?” I wanna to know. She says somethin’ like “What a wonderful meta for!” I’z thinkin’, “What the hell’s a meta for?” Not for nothing I got nothing to do with. Ask me, it’s just a big potato, an’ now I can’t get the damn thing outta my head.