A Ten-Minute Play

Cast of Characters

Family members. One  is having a birthday.

Scene

Home of birthday-boy.

Time

Close to birthday-boy’s birthday.

Setting

Minimal.

At Rise

Chaos.

—Soooo?
—Hm.
—Weeelll?
—Yeah.
—Big day coming up. You ready, babe?
—Sure. … What?
—I said are you ready?
—Oh yeah. … Ready for what?
—Your big day?
—July 4?
—No Charles stop that silly. Charles stop that.
—I suppose. Doesn’t matter Charles! if I’m ready or not, it’ll happen. Kaleb, watch your brother! Take him to the playroom.
—Okay.
—So, you wanna a big cake?
—You mean big enough for 40 candles?
—Something Kaleb! something like that.
—I think we can Gomer! I mean Charles! No! I think we can manage that.
—Hands full of kids, here.
—And dogs.
—And dogs. House full of dogs. Gomer! Down!
—Oh look, your dad’s here, babe.
—Gomer! Goddammit! Go play with Apollo! Kaleb!
—You don’t need to shout, I’m right behind you.
—Oh. Where’s your brother? Go get your brother. Grandpa’s here. Grandpa and TJ.
—Okay. CHARLES!
—I said go get him, not yell for him!
—Did you open the gate, babe?
—I’m looking for the switch.
—Should be in the Gomer! No! should be in the drawer.
—It is. I was just goddammit Gomer! You need to go outside, boy, that’s what you need to do.
—Did you find your brother, Kaleb?
—Yeah, I did.
—Where is he then?
—He’s playing.
—No, not what is he doing, where is he?
—Oh. He’s in the playroom.
—Well, what’s he doing in the playroom?
—He’s playing.
—Well, can you go get him, please? Grandpa’s here. Tell him TJ’s here too.
—Okay. But he doesn’t want to come.
—He doesn’t want to come?
—No.
—Why not?
—I don’t know.
—Okay, well, you go and get him anyway, okay? And tell him Gomer! No! tell him he has to come and that grandpa is here, he needs to say Gomer! No! needs to say hi to grandpa.
—Okay. And TJ.
—And TJ. Yes. Gomer! Apollo! Settle down. Outside, now. Outside! Where’s Charles?
—Kaleb’s getting him.
—Where is he?
—In the Kaleb what are you doing back here without your brother?
—He doesn’t want to come.
—Charles!
—Hey there, old man.
—Who’s the old man?
—Well, I guess that would be you.
—Technically speaking, yes. Hi Jennifer.
—Hi! Kaleb! Where’s Charles?
—I’m coming!
—What about Charles?
—So where’s your new dog?
—They’re both outside.
—Let’s have a what’s his name?
—Who?
—Your new Hi Kaleb! How are you? Where’s your brother?
—He’s playing.
—Where?
—In the playroom.
—Okay. So what’s his name? Arrow?
—Charles.
—No, not your brother.
—Apollo.
—Right. Apollo.
—Might as well bring them in, I guess.
—Gomer! No! So this is Apollo. Hey, boy! Down Gomer! Hi Kaleb. You’re back! This is TJ.
—I know.
—No, I meant for Apollo. Where’s Charles?
—Kaleb, go bring Charles. Tell him grandpa is here.
—Okay.
—Charles! You’ve got company.
—Gomer! No!
—That’s a new guy, TJ. That’s Apollo.
—Gomer! Down!
—That’s mom pulling up now.
—Kaleb, Charles! Mimi’s here!
—Is Ryan with her?
—Kaleb! Charles! Your Uncle Ryan is here!
—Who all will be here?
—Just about everybody.
—Lot of people, everybody.
—Yep.
—So, how does it feel?
—Hi, Patti!
—Hey! Where are my grandsons?
—Kaleb! Charles! Mimi’s here!
—Welcome, welcome!
—How was the drive?
—Long, but.
—It’s so hot.
—We were just out, the dogs were just outside.
—Good place for them to be.
—Goddammit Gomer!
—Too hot!
—You can say that again.
—Time to get in the pool!
—They’re all over everything.
—Everything and everybody.
—Boy, that sounds good.
—Charles! Gomer get down! No!
—Kaleb! Charles! Let’s get dressed for the pool!
—YEAH! WOOHOO!
—So, you all ready for the big day?
—Yeah, I guess.
—How does it feel?
—Gomer! Apollo! Settle down! Leave TJ alone!
—Not so Charles no! not so different.
—The Birthday Boy!
—In the flesh.
—Think you can blow out all those candles?
—I’ve got an airgun.
—That should do it.
—How did this happen?
—Charles? Where are you?
—What?
—40 years.
—Oh yeah.
—Goodness, it seems like only yesterday you…
—Gomer!
—I know, I know. I can’t believe it!
—Somebody’s getting old.
—Not me!
—You are too, Kaleb, just not as fast.
—You as old as your dad, Kaleb?
—No.
—Ah. I didn’t think so. How old is he again?
—40!
—And what do you think about that?
—I don’t know.
—My thoughts exactly.
—What’s taking Ryan so long?
—He’s getting stuff Gomer! No! out of the car.
—So, what’s the plan?
—Have people over.
—Sounds like a plan.
—Let’s swim!
—I agree.
—There’s Ryan.
—Gomer! No!
—Hey.
—Boys, your Uncle Ryan is here!
—Yeah!
—Kaleb, where’s Charles?
—He’s playing.
—Well, you need to bring him here. Is he in the playroom? You need to bring him here. Everyone is here. Mimi and grandpa and Uncle Ryan.
—Okay. Can we go swimming?
—Let’s go swimming!
—Find Charles first.
—Everybody in the pool!
—Everybody in the pool!
—Last one in is a rotten egg!
—Last one in is a rotten egg!
—Wotten leg!
—Hi Charles!
—Gomer! No!